I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
