did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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