I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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