I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize