"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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