Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
