I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
