last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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