Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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