Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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