yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
