i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
