This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
