I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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