I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
