look no pants
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
