I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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