she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
