i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
