remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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