She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i walk over a car last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
