wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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