So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
