hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
