All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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