I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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