You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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