Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
