too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
