he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
