It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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