everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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