His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
