Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
