I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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