I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
