Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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