i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
