someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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