hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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