According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
