i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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