And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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