I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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