i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
