He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
