I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize