i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
