i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize