Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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