we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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