i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
