While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you inspire me to be a worse person
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
