I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize