She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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