I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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