I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
