It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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