Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
where does the pee come out of this thing
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize