i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
