You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
