Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
