It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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