It's Friday. Sex?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
