so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
