After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
