Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
