My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
please don't ironically join a cult
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