I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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