A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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