Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
