Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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