Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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