walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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