So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
