Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
