Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I believe in your delicious
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
