Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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