eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
