OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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