I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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