I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
