Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
