I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
