she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize