I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
