I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
