It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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