He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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