Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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