I am puke
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize