Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
