the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
