Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
