dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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