There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
