You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
