Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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