Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
