true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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