matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
