Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
