i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
