I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
