Sry I called you an 8
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
