Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
