That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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